Trusting Your Paranoia

I feel bad. And guilty. And sad. On Thursday we had a scheduled play date at the mall with a friend and her baby girl. It didn't even dawn on me until that morning that Halloween was only three days away and that there was a very good possibility that my boys would pick up a virus at the germy play center which would most likely manifest itself in my household precisely 48 hrs. after invading my kiddos bodies...right on time for Halloween weekend. This is how the conversation went in my head as I was driving the boys to the mall:

Paranoid me: The boys are totally going to get sick

Rational me: Well you can't keep them home forever...and how stupid would it sound to tell Kim that the reason you couldn't go was because the kids might get sick. LAME!

Paranoid me: Yeah, but this is Seth's favorite holiday! It's all he's been talking about for 6 weeks (not an exaggeration). You know how miserable he gets when he catches a cold. It will ruin the whole weekend!

Rational me: They're slowly building up an immunity to germs! They don't always get sick. Besides, we've been in the house for 2 days straight (due to weird weather). This will be good for them and good for you! Don't worry!

Paranoid me: Listen to your gut! Just turn around and ensure a healthy and pleasant Halloween for everyone! Why take the chance? And, by the way, yes they do ALWAYS get sick.

Well, we all know what happened and I wish I did just turn around. Both boys have what seem to be bad colds. They are fine, really, just a little more whiny, uncomfortable, and tired. I just feel bad that they will be out trick or treating (we are going no matter what) while feeling sick. They both have fevers but I'm praying it doesn't get worse overnight. We had to miss our church Halloween party today and they will miss church festivities tomorrow. We're also supposed to be celebrating my niece's and nephew's birthdays before we all go out trick or treating so I'm really hoping that still works out!

It's situations like these that make me feel annoyed at myself. What would you have done? I think it is almost laughable for me to have kept my kids home b/c of the possibility that they may get sick but it would've done my kids a whole lot of good to listen to my gut. It was just the mall...not very important at all. Not worth ruining this holiday that they have been eagerly waiting for (Seth has been practicing trick or treating at home...walking around and knocking on all our doors in the house and rehearsing his "trick or treat"). At least Seth is past the stage where he would get the horrible croup with every single cold and we'd have to use the nebulizer. But still.

The Boys with their cousin, Sarah, at The Zoo Goes Boo!

P.S. I am now hearing "barking" from their bedroom. *SIGH*

The weekend where we lose Caleb....twice.

Yesterday we brought the kids to the play area in the mall since it was quite chilly outside and we wanted to get out of the house. Scott and I were sitting on the benches surrounding the play area chatting while of course watching the kids. The play area was very full and brimming with activity. There is a large "tree house" in the middle of the area which provides multiple hiding spots for the kiddos. Perhaps that is why we lost track of our wee little one. When I lost sight of him I just assumed he must be in one of the tunnels or up in the tree or hiding under the steps, etc. It was not until Seth ran up and mentioned he couldn't find Caleb that I became concerned and started scanning the area for him, sending Scott in one direction, while I started searching in another. I circled around the tree, making sure to look up, down, and inside nooks and corners in my quest. Still no Caleb. It wasn't until I saw Scott come around the tree (empty handed) that I felt my heart start to race and found myself having a hard time swallowing. My pace quickened and I started feeling desperate in my attempt to find my child. I was most definitely in a panic. I stopped looking inside the play area and focused my eyes out into the very crowded mall. Thank God it didn't take too long to spot a curious curly haired toddler pushing somebody else's empty stroller around the mall!! I quickly scooped him up, returned the stroller to its' parked spot, and gave my boy the biggest hug of all time! At that time I felt somebody's eyes on me. Another Mom had been observing the drama and commented to me that she had been watching Caleb and if he had started to wander off any further she was planning on putting him back in the play center. I thanked her profusely but felt really embarrassed that I had lost track of my child! I think it had only been 2 minutes that he was out of my sight...and probably 2 minutes of us searching...geesh...guess that's all it takes.

Not being able to find Caleb felt absolutely horrible. Even the wonderful relief I felt upon seeing him was quickly replaced by looming guilt that invaded after everything was calm. The experience was still pretty fresh when we had to re-live all those emotions the very next day! Yup...Caleb took off again!

This time he wandered off at church. So not as dangerous, per se, as a crowded mall but I still found myself frantic nonetheless. I was using the restroom, so technically it was on Scott's watch but still....what is wrong with us?!? Scott says he saw Caleb lying on the floor playing after sunday school one minute, turned to settle Seth into nursery, came back and the boy was gone! Mind you, our church has a huge basement (where nursery and classes are held) with what seems like 50 doors that lead to 50 different rooms, and with most of the lights usually turned off , it can feel like a fun house maze. There's 3 different stairwells, one of which leading to the main door where people are going in and out of church. Oh! which is located on a busy street, I might add. Caleb has tried to escape out of said door on other occasions so, of course, I am frantically running up and down the stairs calling out for him (as is Scott...who now knows what our little monkey is capable of). We are new to this church, I might add, so it's not like everyone knows us and our children and we certainly are not familiar with the complete layout of the church building. After what seemed like an eternity (5 minutes) a kind lady found him in the upstairs kitchen. She didn't seem too impressed when I poked fun of myself for losing him briefly just the day before! Good grief! I am going to have to be a pretty awesome mom this week in order to redeem myself of such irresponsible parenting!