Everything is Sacred

There's a Caedmon's Call song that starts out:

This house is a good mess

It's the proof of life

No way would I trade jobs

But it don't pay overtime

The singer goes on to sing about all the daily duties and seemingly insignificant tasks she does day in and day out as a wife and mom and how just when it seems she is catching up at the end of the day the realization sets in that it will all be undone again with a new day at hand.

She goes on to sing:

Could it be that everything is sacred

And All this time

Everything I've dreamed of

Has been right before my eyes

Ever since my bedrest experience I can't listen to this song without tearing up. After I got home, after Caleb's birth, simple things like washing my own dishes, folding the laundry, and changing my son's diapers suddenly seemed sacred. Things that I complained about doing in the past I was now eager to do...and actually enjoyed doing because I had been so dependent on other people for 8 weeks, and had felt so robbed of my role as a wife and mom.

You would think that lying in bed while everyone did everything for you would be wonderful, right? Surely that is every mom's dream...especially when you are 7 months pregnant. There were many days I had prayed for that kind of break...days when I felt so exhausted by the hard pregnancy and a little boy who always wanted to be held. But then when I was told that I could not run my household any longer...I could not cook, clean, shop, let the dog out, change the sheets, do laundry, drive....OR HOLD MY SON....I was devastated. It was either let things go around the house (which some things Did.Really.Go.) Or, it was completely depend on others to care for my house and family....and sometimes I felt extremely grateful, blessed, and humbled by all the help we recieved...and other times I felt insignificant, incapable, and extremely bitter. Bitter that I was missing out on so much of every day life. You know, the day in and day out stuff that occurs when you're home a lot with your child...the things you take for granted. The moments that make it all worthwhile. We all know "those kind of moments" because those are the things that keep us going...they are the moments that remind us that we actually DO love being moms. Like experiencing your child doing something for the first time, or having a goofy moment, or being there when your child hurts himself and wants you to make him feel better. Those times cannot be replaced.

So, when you find out from your mother in law that your fifteen month old has learned a new word and suddenly hates cheese....it hurts... because you realize you are missing out on the privilege of knowing your child best...because you are only able to see him 45 minutes a day in the confined space of a hospital room. Every day was a struggle for me...I had to let go...I had to share my role...I had to trust...it was hard. Very hard. Seth also learned to walk while I was lying in bed trying to help Caleb stay put. Did that sting? Yes. Was it for the best? Yes. It was almost like I had to grieve the loss of being absent from Seth's life during those two months...very emotional time for me.

I guess all of this to say that sometimes I need to remind myself of how blessed I am to be able to wipe my son's nose, to kiss his boo boos, to change his diapers (even the poopy ones) and to make his meals even when he won't eat....because at least I am present...we are together....and I am experiencing those every day seemingly insignificant "moments" with him...and now I know that they are not insignificant at all...they are extremely important and they will be cherished forever.

Sure, the house IS a mess most of the time. It takes me a week to clean the whole bathroom, the sheets don't get changed as often as they should, and sometimes the laundry piles up so high the dog prefers sleeping on the huge mound of clothes rather than his own little doggy bed. Things get really crazy around here...but at least it's my crazy and I know I wouldn't want it any other way. I've learned that every little thing is truly sacred.

P.S. You are all allowed to remind me of this post when I am complaining, whining, or having a pity party about how overwhelmed, tired, and burnt out I feel on a day to day basis...well, let me vent first...then validate me....then remind me, okay?

I know many of you are wondering about Caleb's stomach problems (reason why I have hardly blogged this month)...I am not ready to write about it yet (too negative)...but will shortly....when he turns a corner.

A letter

Dear Caleb,
Mommy and Daddy want you to know that there are better ways to get our attention than crying. It's much cuter when you smile, coo, and laugh...when you do those things you may even see us smile, coo, and laugh back at you. Negative attention will not get you far in this house...your brother tried it for 6 months! After a while he finally gave up and just decided to be happy. This is one thing you should learn from him...just try it...you'll see.

Love, Mom

P.S. We miss your dimples, little marshmallow man.

Yow yow yow....

It was the perfect night for trick or treating...Seth didn't quite "get" what this holiday is all about but had fun with his cousins and collecting goodies from the houses. It was good to get out of the house and have other people helping out with the kids after the long exhausting week we all had...but more on that later...maybe tomorrow....or sometime soon...maybe...when I collect my sanity and can actually write cohesive sentences....so I'm still alive if you don't hear from me for a while...just not sane yet.

Seth does not know how to say meow....so whenever he sees a kitty he says in a high pitched Elmo sounding voice...yow yow yow yow....and he says it very very quickly...it sounds NOTHING like a cat...the first time I heard this I was a little confused...then I saw the cat he was enthusiastically trying to imitate. It's cute...but a little strange.

Trying and Trying

I've been trying to update my blog but every time I try to this little stinker makes it impossible! It seems like whenever I try to get started he wakes up squirming.....

He makes faces like this

and this...

Before doing THIS

Need I say more? Stomach issues....again....and lots of crying and pooping and...well....you get the picture! Still not sure what the problem is...but we're working on it.

Seth

Seth would sit for hours putting lids on and off containers if I let him. He loves to open and close things (like the ketchup bottle), he's fascinated by putting small objects inside of larger objects, and he loves puzzles, his stacking cups, and basically any toy where he uses his fine motor skills! I think this is really interesting...I wonder what he will be when he grows up!


He played with these dry noodles for a while one long day when I was searching for things to keep him busy...I was surprised how long this activity kept him entertained. Scott and I have decided that spending money on toys isn't necessary right now when the majority of the time he's perfectly happy playing with household items!

He also likes to play with these fish bath toys in tupperware filled with water. Right now he is terrified of taking a bath (this came on all of the sudden) so we're trying to get him used to water by encouraging "water play" in other forms.

Seth sat on the potty watching the Elmo Potty Training video for a while...then he got up, squatted, and peed on the floor...oh well...at least he tried! He hasn't been as interested in going in the potty lately so we're taking a little break.

THREE...

That's how many hours of sleep I got last night. Why...you ask? Was Caleb awake all night, you wonder? Nope. Was Seth having a restless night from teething? Nope...not at all. Here is a recap of last night's events:

It was around 3:30 a.m. I had finished feeding Caleb and I was rocking him to sleep in the glider in our bedroom (that's where he sleeps). It had taken an hour from start to finish because he kept needing a diaper change every time I tried to put him down...let's just say he had no problem going to the bathroom last night. Anyway...I was rocking, rocking, rocking...gazing off, zoning out, off in la la land...staring out into the hallway and into Seth's room...when all of a sudden, to my horror, a big brown mouse climbs up the last step, walks into Seth's bedroom, makes a left hand turn, and scoots right into his closet!!! I about DIED!!!! I think my gasp woke Scott up from across the room! I frantically explained the situation to Scott and (very firmly) asked him to go check it out...now, mind you, I'm almost crying just thinking about a mouse in my baby's room! I had been working in his closet all afternoon organizing clothes and boxing up things Caleb has grown out of so I knew the little stinker had lots of hiding places (big closet..lots of cubbies, boxes, piles of clothes, etc.). Anyway--Scott came right out of his room and told me he would set a trap. Well, he meant business because 20 minutes later he finally came back up and said he had set traps all over the house. This is a guy who NEVER gets out of bed once he is asleep...even when there are noises in the house and I am pleading with him to go check on things, and even when I thought I was in labor and begged him to help me time the contractions...he just rolls over...it's not that he's being a jerk...he is just a very hard sleeper. Later I found out he actually saw the mouse in the corner of the closet when he went to investigate so I think that's what spurred him into action!

My question is this...mice climb stairs? Sixteen of them? What if I had to go downstairs in the middle of the night to get more diapers (which I do quite often) and had stepped on it or saw it run down the steps...it would have scared the crap out of me!!! I have been stomping around the house all day...trying to make my presence known...afraid one might run by me or pop out of the heating vents.
I am paranoid in my own house! I am scared, right now, as I type this because the house is too quiet and one might run by. All night long, I lay awake, worrying that the mouse was in Seth's crib, or under our bed...I even held my pee for 3 hours because I was creeped out.
Poor me. I'd much rather be dealing with spiders or bugs who just stay in the corner in their webs or in the window sills. At least they don't pee and poop everywhere they go...spreading diseases and possibly infesting your house with fleas or other disgusting parasites. Now I'll have to worry about the chance that they've already had babies.... hundreds of babies scurrying around my cupboards and under my couch and in my closets. Okay, so I exaggerate...slightly. Yes, it is nasty to have mice in those places. But if you're going to have mice, that's where they'll be...in the kitchen and on the MAIN FLOOR...or so I've always thought. I have to draw the line at mice actually climbing stairs to invade our sleeping area...there's no reason for a mouse to be in a bedroom!
The thing is is that I'm usually not super squeamish about these sort of things... I grew up in an old New England home so I am used to having some "living things" reside in the same living area as I...and I spent a year in Honduras where I ran into my fair share of large insects, lizards, frogs, bats, tarantulas, scorpions, etc. And this house is old...it was built in 1895... so I know better than to think that we are completely pest free...but seriously....dealing with critters has been an ongoing issue around here! A couple of weeks ago we heard an animal walking around our kitchen ceiling (in the eaves). The exterminator told us by the size of the hole in the roof, and by the look of the claw scratches on the side of our house, it was probably an opossum or a raccoon....which totally freaked me out...so I am already really touchy about animals nesting in my space (we boarded up the holes and haven't heard it since...but still). Am I being too much of a wimpy girl...or is this truly gross? Oh--and to my dismay...no mice in the traps this morning.

The Brighter Side

This week has been a lot better around here. I am trying to do more
"normal" things.
trying to get into a little routine around here and out of that postpartum funk that can take over and go on and on. One of the things that has helped in this area is cooking. I have cooked every night this week so far! Woo! Hoo! I have always enjoyed cooking and it feels good to be making dinner for my family again. Eight weeks of bedrest followed by ten weeks of adjusting to a newborn can put a damper on even the most devoted cook...but I am going to try to keep this going...we are so sick of take out, prepared meals from friends and family (although very appreciative) and quick meals like hot dogs, frozen pizza, spaghetti, etc. Although, I have to say, having a baby in the summer months does have perks...like grilling...we have had LOTS of grilled chicken which was an easy and healthy option for us!

Another thing I have done to try to feel "normal" again is getting dressed (in actual clothes that do not resemble pajamas) before noon. What I had been doing is waiting until both boys were napping at the same time (which on some days is never) or just staying in frumpy sweats or whatever I managed to pull out of the drawer before attending to the early morning chaos. I have also made an effort to put some make-up on and have found some clothes in my closet that fit from my transitional time after Seth...I cannot stand to be in maternity clothes any longer! So, while you would never mistake me for glamour mom Katie Holmes, I've definitely spruced it up a notch --which has done wonders for the self esteem. Go me!

Also, Caleb is out of the bassinet that we kept in our bed and is successfully sleeping in the pak-n-play now. My good friend Ruth Anna indirectly advised swaddling when talking about her own kids and we have found that helps significantly with Caleb staying asleep after he is put down. I hadn't tried it because it was so hot all summer but now that it's cooler....it's doing the trick. He is still fussing in the evening hours...but we are coping...and Scott and I are being more intentional about working together as a team when things start to feel out of control. Also, I had (as Oprah would say) a "light bulb" moment when the realization hit that Caleb does not have colic! After going through colic with Seth, our challenges with Caleb seem pretty minor in comparison.So even though he may have a fussy time each day, and have some digestive issues (who knew that poop could cause so many of our parenting woes), and he isn't the greatest sleeper...okay, he's actually an awful sleeper...things really aren't that bad....when I force myself to remember the good ol' days with Seth.

Here are some other reasons why this week is going better than last week:

1. The weather is fantastic...goodbye rain...hello sunshine!

2. Scott is not working long hours to meet a demanding deadline like last week.

3. We were able to watch two movies from Netflix after months of paying our bill and not having the time to actually watch any movies .

4. I've eaten lots of chocolate and still lost a pound...thank you breastfeeding!

5. My dear friend Shannon came by with her two adorable girls for a visit and brought me a scrumptious caramel latte...and is letting me try out her One Step Ahead double stroller all week so we can decide if we want one or not (if anyone has any recommendations for a good double stroller please let me know...I am realizing that a good stroller is my lifeline to the outside world).

6. I am caught up on laundry. And by caught up I mean it's washed, dried, folded, and put away...it's the putting away that always slows me down.

7. Seth is being a good boy even, though he is teething, and has started eating avocados again...which is great because he's barely touching anything else .

8. I have started adding dairy back into my diet and Caleb seems to be doing fine.

9. Because of reason #8 we have gone to our favorite ice cream stop twice before it closes for the winter...I had to make up for not being able to have ice cream all summer.















10. We brought the kids on an outing to Petco and watching Seth was the cutest thing ever...he is really into fish and birds and loved the kitties.

Last week hormones=bad
This week hormones=good


*I am still trying to figure out blogger with very limited time so sorry if the spacing and pictures are a little goofy...I am learning!